15 Do’s and Don’ts of Mental Health Care in Children’s Ministry

Mental health issues such as anxiety and depression are on the rise in children, and it’s important that our children’s ministries are safe places for kids with challenges.

To find out more about addressing mental health in children’s ministry, we interviewed Dr. Kristen Kansiewicz, Licensed Professional Counselor and ordained minister with the Assemblies of God. Dr. Kansiewicz is also Program Director for the graduate counseling program at Evangel University (Springfield, MO).

Increased Mental Health Issues

Dr. Kansiewicz attributed a few key factors to the increase in mental health issues. First was the COVID-19 pandemic. This created trauma for everyone, but especially for kids. Kids are made to have stability, and when that stability is threatened, their brains don’t know how to process it. So when schools were shut down, routines changed, and parents were stressed about money, COVID caused trauma.

You may think, “It’s been several years…why is this still a problem?” Severe early childhood trauma can change the structure of the brain to the point where it is visible on a brain scan.

The other factor is phone addiction. To some extent, this was also exacerbated by COVID-19, when kids had to lean more into the use of screens. Screen addiction can be a coping mechanism, but it causes kids to lose comfort in social interactions. This has led to kids feeling much more socially anxious. Add to that the comparison game of social media, and the cyberbullying that can occur there, and screens can be a recipe for anxiety.

But it’s not all bad news. On the positive side, Dr. Kansiewicz notes that one trend she’s seeing is a lot more awareness of mental health among kids than in previous generations. Kids are more open about their feelings, they have more vocabulary to name issues, and there is less stigma around mental health than there once was.

Dr. Kansiewicz pointed out that “we’ve done a lot with background checks and locks and making sure that it’s a physically safe space, but what does it mean as a kidmin team to be an emotionally safe place for every kid regardless of what has happened to them?”

So let’s answer that! Here are 9 Do’s and 6 Don’ts.

Mental Health To-Do List

1. Learn About Trauma-Informed Care

There are six principles of trauma-informed care: safety, empowerment and choice, trustworthiness and transparency, peer support, collaboration and mutuality, and humility. Do a little research to learn more about these principles and consider how you can incorporate them into your ministry. For example, do you ever “trick” kids? That can undermine your trustworthiness.

Trauma-informed care doesn’t ask, “What’s wrong with you?” Instead, it asks, “What happened to you?” and assumes we all have some negative experiences that have shaped us. A trauma-informed ministry will be a safe place that helps kids feel like the best version of themselves.

Often, anxiety and depression in children present as behavioral disruption. So when you experience challenging behaviors, you may find compassion difficult and be more likely to label kids “problem kids.” Instead, consider how you can approach kids with patience and empathy.

2. Be Aware of Mental Health Resources in Your Community

This could include licensed counselors, emergency psychiatric care, school counselors, neuropsychologists, and more. Don’t limit yourself to only Christian providers—look for any reputable mental health professionals. See your church as one part of a community of professionals who are there to play a positive role in kids’ mental health.

3. Help Navigate the Mental Health System

As you get to know the resources in your community, it’s important to understand how the system works where you live. It’s easy to simply hand off a piece of paper with a list of resources and phone numbers, but it’s far better to help parents and kids know what to expect. For example, will they take insurance? Will they answer the phone? Is there a waitlist? If so, how long is it? In some places, a neuropsych evaluation for ASD can take up to two years. That’s helpful information to give as a heads-up.

4. Provide a Therapeutic Space

Dr. Kansiewicz notes about children’s ministry: “It’s not therapy but it can be therapeutic.”

Although it is not the church’s role to provide therapy (unless you have trained mental health professionals on staff), you can have trauma-informed approaches and offer a therapeutic space. That might look like offering social support, sensory-friendly after-school care, a trauma-informed drop-in center, and more. It might mean helping fill the gap by supporting families if there is a long waiting list for professional care in your community.

5. Build Trust

If there’s a child in your ministry who shows signs of anxiety or depression, it’s important that you’ve built a level of trust with parents ahead of time. When there’s already a relationship with parents, it’s much easier to talk with a parent about your concerns. But first, check with other church staff to see if someone else has already talked with them, or if there’s any knowledge of potential opposition.

When you do talk with parents, it’s natural for them to feel defensive or blamed. So approach them from an angle of support. Set up a meeting with them (rather than pulling them aside for a “hallway conversation” after church), and share a couple of specific observations, asking things like, “Have you noticed that as well? What have you tried that I could try too? How can we help?” Being a support rather than attempting to diagnose kids will go a long way.

6. Communicate That We All Have Worries and Cares

Rather than dismissing kids’ worries, provide a safe listening ear. Communicate that we all have worries and cares, and some people have bigger struggles that they need doctors and counselors to support them with. Language like this can validate everyday struggles and also separate them from more serious, diagnosable ones. And it can also provide a safe place for kids to share their genuine feelings.

Check out the Emergency Response Handbook for Children’s Ministry to help kids deal with specific trauma that may arise.

7. Teach Contemplative Prayer as a Mental Health Tool

Kids often view prayer as “asking God for stuff” with their hands folded and heads bowed. But in reality, prayer is so much more—and mindful prayer can be a therapeutic thing to do. We can certainly ask Jesus to remove our mental health struggles, but we also need to recognize that, as with Paul, he doesn’t always remove unpleasant things from our lives this side of heaven. We need to show kids that prayer is not just “Jesus, please take this away”—it’s a place to bring your feelings.

Give kids a more holistic view of what prayer can be by giving them moments of silence to connect with the presence of God. These kinds of positive spiritual practices where sitting with God feels like a place you’re nurtured and cared for can help promote mental health. While religiosity (viewing God as negative or punishing us) can guilt and shame people who have struggles, religious practices that help people connect with God as a source of comfort can be helpful.

8. Incorporate Social Interaction to Promote Mental Health

Since a lack of social skills is a cause of anxiety, you have a wonderful opportunity! With a group of kids gathered together, you can make sure you’re using Sunday school curriculum that is relational, where kids work together on projects, have shared experiences, and talk about their own lives together. Talking about mental health in a positive way is helpful, but actually doing things like contemplative prayer and building relationship skills can truly shape kids’ ways of being. By building up their social skills, you’re giving them a tool to reduce anxiety.

9. Help Kids Grapple With Tough Questions

Kids are full of questions! Embrace those questions, and be okay with the “gray areas” of faith. You may have to practice this yourself before you can teach it to kids. Maybe you’re used to viewing faith in a more “black-and-white” way. But not every question has an easy “Sunday-school answer,” so help kids hold onto helpful truths while also being okay in the wondering of the unknowns.

Mental Health Don’t Do List

1. Don’t Use Mental Health Terms as Slang or Casual Words

Avoid using phrases like “oh I’m so OCD” to describe the way you like things in order or “oh I’m so ADHD today” if your mind is feeling scattered. These kinds of phrases can send a message that these diagnoses are flippant or not real.

2. Don’t Say Negative Things About Therapy or other Mental Health Treatment

Any time the topic of therapy or other mental health treatment comes up, make sure you’re addressing it respectfully rather than saying things like a sarcastic, “Man, I need therapy!”

3. Don’t Blame or Shame Kids

As adults, we often talk to kids in a way we would never talk to other adults. We may say things like, “You’re already 7! How come you can’t tie your shoes?” or “You’re 10! You should know how to pay attention!” Comments like these about behavior or developmental delays can shame kids, particularly those with mental health issues.

You may find kids who are neurodivergent to be mature beyond their age in one area, but immature in another. They develop skills at different rates. Commenting negatively about what they “should” be able to do only shames them about their mental health.

4. Don’t Dismiss Negative Feelings

Church has often been a place where you have to be (or seem) happy all the time. People may say things like, “You won’t be a good witness for Jesus if you’re sad all the time!” or “If you really trusted Jesus, you wouldn’t be worried about this.” Those kinds of comments make depression and anxiety seem like switches that can be turned on and off, rather than genuine conditions of the brain. They also communicate that feeling sad or worried is a sin, and God is angry with them for having negative feelings.

5. Don’t Scare Kids With the Bible

The Bible is for all ages—but not all of the Bible is for all ages. When we introduce concepts like vivid descriptions of hell or the rapture to kids, or when we use fear tactics to present the Gospel, we can cause trauma. Dr. Kansiewicz says, “If the Gospel doesn’t sound like good news and it’s just a way out of a scary situation, we’re genuinely traumatizing children with fear.”

6. Don’t Be Screen Dependent

Remember earlier when we said screen addiction and lack of social interaction is a cause of anxiety? Consider, then, the impact of your ministry being another place that’s mostly watching screens. If you’re using a Sunday school curriculum that has very little relational interaction and is mostly sitting and watching a screen, consider switching to something that will better promote mental health. Don’t underestimate kids thinking they just want to be entertained. In fact, research shows that kids find the “entertainment model” of ministry surface level and crave deeper content.

For an additional resource, Dr. Kansiewicz recommends Key Ministry, which offers disability and mental health ministry including some resources specifically for kids. Key Ministry is run by Steve Grcevich who is a child psychiatrist.

Dr. Kristen Kansiewicz is a Licensed Professional Counselor and ordained minister with the Assemblies of God. She and her husband have 20 years of urban ministry experience, where she developed a model for integrating clinical mental health care into church settings. She is currently the Program Director for the graduate counseling program at Evangel University in Springfield, Missouri. Kristen has conducted research on well-being, burnout, and mental health for clergy populations.