It's Sunday morning and you're optimistic. You have enough
material for every child on your class roster, and you're excited
about what you've planned.
When class begins, however, only half the class is present. Two
families are on vacation. One child is sick, two are with their
fathers, and one is with his mother for the weekend. You can
understand the vacation and the illness, but the children you see
only 50 percent of the year because of divorce really bother you.
How can you minister to these part-time kids-children of divorced
and separated parents?
REACHING FAMILIES
The church can serve as a healing community to provide hope and
help for families who've experienced divorce. Even though we have
less time with these children, we can meet the needs of the parents
and the children. Here's how.
Speak kindly about both parents. Encouraging words may
be lacking at home. Anger and hostility are often the driving
forces between separated or divorced parents. Focus on the positive
aspects of each parent when you're with the child.
Open up a dialogue with each parent. Tell each parent
that you're interested in the child and want to be available to the
child. Update both parents on events, projects, successes, and
pains that the child experiences as part of your program.
Be aware of possible sensitive situations. One delicate
area revolves around the specific legalities involved in each
divorce. One parent may've lost parental rights and may be legally
prohibited from having any contact with the child. Or a court may
decide that one parent is not obligated to know any information
about the child.
The circumstances around the divorce may've involved abusive
behavior. If a child confides about a possibly abusive situation
with either parent, assure the child that such behavior is not
appropriate. Immediately confer with your pastor and Child
Protective Services in your county.
Support families. Encourage your church to provide
resource people, workshops, and support groups. Since many parents
have been out of the single social scene for years, sessions on
improving social skills may be helpful. Practical workshops on car
repair, finances, home repair, resume writing, conflict resolution,
and time management can help the family save money and decrease
frustration. Focus on the Family publishes a magazine called Single
Parent Family that provides valuable resources and information.
Subscriptions are $15 a year. To order, call 800-232-6450.
Provide positive adult relationships for adults and
children. A mentor will help a child by providing interaction
with another adult and can give the parent a break from the strains
of constant parenting. An Adoptive Grandparents program in your
church can also be a positive resource and can give older people an
avenue for service. Likewise, an adult peer mentor for the parent
can help guide the divorced person in times of great anxiety and
frustration.
ACCOMMODATING KIDS
When we help strengthen the parents, we also strengthen the child.
As children see their parents thrive as singles, children will feel
more secure. But don't stop there. Plan special ways to make your
program a healing place for children.
Plan a children of divorce support group. This group can meet
the same time as an adult group meets. Address emotional and
practical issues in these sessions.
Work to create warm, inviting classrooms. Remove
attendance posters so children don't feel bad about their absences.
Mail any class projects, lessons, or student pages to the half-time
students ahead of time. Also consider contacting the child's Sunday
school teacher in the child's other church. Find out what they're
studying and incorporate it into your lesson time. This will help
the child feel important and will allow you to reinforce lessons
for the child.
Drop curriculum that can't stand alone. If your curriculum is
designed so that each week builds on the previous one, don't use it
with half-time kids. They'll feel lost and left out. Use curriculum
with lessons that can stand alone from week to week.
Inform kids of upcoming events. Try to schedule events
to fit a part-timer by finding out when the child is likely to be
present. Don't add to the child's anxiety or guilt if the child
must miss an event. Instead of saying, "We'll miss you next week,"
say, "I hope you have a great time with your Mom next Sunday."
Ministering to part-time kids is challenging, but it's also
rewarding. These children need your love, and their parents are
hungry for healing. Help children feel less like pawns and more
like valuable people in their new family structures and in the
family of God.
Brian Dykes works with children at his church in Greenville,
Michigan.
BAN THOSE CHARTS
Attendance charts are inappropriate for a Sunday school setting.
These charts involve listing children's names in a column and
giving the children stars for each week of Sunday school
attendance. Such direct comparisons can be very hurtful to children
whose parents are unable to get them to Sunday school. Imagine how
a child with two stars-wedged between children with 10 stars-feels
when it's not his fault that he can't be there. Attendance charts
don't exactly encourage these kids to come back.
Instead, use an alternative attendance record where the child is
rewarded for attending without direct comparisons. For example,
during the fall, place a paper tree trunk on a wall. On Sundays,
each child places a leaf on the tree. Children participate in the
same fun activity of getting to place an object just for being
there, and they'll enjoy seeing their tree grow. Use snowflakes in
the winter and flowers in the spring.
You could also link attendance with your unit's theme. If you're
studying creation, place a large mural-sized paper on the wall. As
the weeks progress, children put stars in the night sky, rays of
light from the sun, and various plants and animals in the garden.
By the end of the unit, the children have contributed to a
wonderful visual summary of the creation story.
Susan Steele
Beaver, Pennsylvania
DIVORCE RECOVERY RESOURCES
Use these resources to design programs that'll minister to
families who've experienced divorce or separation.
Confident Kids Support Groups-A 32-week Bible-based support
group curriculum for children 4 to 12 years. Also includes a
curriculum for parents. Available from Confident Kids for XX. Call
(714) 528-6237.
Just Me and the Kids: Building Healthy Single Parent Families-An
extensive resource kit for churches to develop a complete ministry
to single parents and their children. Available from David. C. Cook
Church Ministries for $249.99. Call 800-323-7543 or 800-263-2664
(Canada).
Kids Caught in the Middle-An interactive workbook to help
children work through family divorce or separation. Available from
Thomas Nelson Publishers for $10.99. Call 800-441-0511 or (615)
889-9000.
KidShare: What Do I Do Now?-A 13-session support group
curriculum for children, grades 3-6. Designed to be used with
groups of six to eight children and two leaders. Available from
LifeWay Press. Cost is $12.95 for the facilitator's guide and $4.94
for each member's book. Call 800-446-7735 or (615) 251-2000.
