3 Characteristics of a Narcissist and How You Can Manage Them
Published: July 4, 2020
In just one day, 250 million photos were uploaded to Facebook and 864,000 hours of video to YouTube, according to fastcompany.com. “Look at me, look at me, look at me now!” People long to be the center of the universe today. Now, not everyone is a narcissist who tweets or uses Facebook. In fact, while studies show that narcissism is on the rise, you rarely run into one. Managing a narcissist, though, is a unique challenge.
How can you lead a narcissist on your team? Here are a few key narcissistic characteristics that you have to manage.
Star Role Mentality
A narcissist already believes he or she’s the star of her life. Evidence of this is excessive tweeting, blogging, Facebook-posting about the ever-so-interesting minutiae of their life. A narcissist believes the rest of us are just waiting on every post to know just how amazing life is in their world. A narcissist may listen politely to others’ ideas in brainstorming, but deep down she believes that their ideas are really 10 times better than others. So the idea of “brainstorming” is just an idea.
How to Manage
Cautiously give upfront roles to this person. The “stage” is like crack to a narcissist addict. Once you give a mic to a narcissist who doesn’t fully represent your values, you’re in trouble. It’s very difficult to maintain your values/DNA with a narcissist who’ll do anything to get a laugh or attention. In brainstorm sessions, to get the best teamwork when you have a raging narcissist, continue to coach him or her on allowing others to also speak and being kind in their critique.
Teflon Mentality
A narcissist believes he or she does everything amazingly well. In fact, a narcissist believes that if there are problems with their work, it’s probably you who has the problem. If only you could see how amazing I am, he or she thinks, you’d quit correcting me. It’s very difficult to correct a narcissist who won’t acknowledge the need for correction.
How to Manage
Repetition seems to work for a while. Continue to stay on message and reiterate the areas that need correction over and over and over. At the end of the day, it’ll go right back to the problem being you, but at least in the short-term, you’ll see small improvements.
Fool Mentality
A narcissist believes that there’s nothing you can teach him or her since they’re great at everything already. Proverbs 17:10 says “A single rebuke does more for a person of understanding than a hundred lashes on the back of a fool.” Try as you might, pointing out areas that need improvement may not get through to a narcissist—even if you do it a hundred times. A narcissist won’t work on learning what you need him or her to because, after all, they have no deficits.
How to Manage
Like it or not, you may have to say goodbye to a narcissist on your team. If he or she absolutely will not heed correction, you need to help them see that it’s time to go. You may even need to fire the person. Upholding your ministry’s DNA and values outweighs the narcissist’s need to do it their super-awesome-amazing way that only they are the star of.
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