What do you do when children notice and ask about people they see with disabilities? Do you shy away from the conversation, or are you ready to help kids honor and perhaps even befriend someone with disabilities? Licensed professional counselor, Mandy Milner, shares insights and offers five simple ideas for talking with children about disabilities. Her ideas will help kids recognize and appreciate God’s handiwork in all people!

Kids in your church meet and befriend a lot of people. That’s a good thing! They meet new friends at school and interact with kids and grown-ups at extracurricular activities. There’s a good chance some of those new acquaintances have disabilities. According to the Pew Research Center, there are over 7 million students with disabilities in the U.S. public school system, making up about 15% of the public school population. Perhaps this number even includes children who attend your church.

As parents or children’s ministry leaders, you teach kids that all people are created in the image of God and that God loves each person perfectly and unconditionally. We can also help kids and families see God’s handiwork in the people they meet who have disabilities.

Sometimes the topic of disabilities can feel overwhelming for parents and caregivers. We may fear making a mistake or offending someone. So we tend to avoid talking about or interacting with people who have disabilities. Kids often assume that if their parents or teachers don’t talk about something, it’s because it’s bad, scary, or wrong. As a result, this avoidance can silently communicate to children that there’s something bad, scary, or wrong with people with disabilities. That’s certainly not the truth or the message we want to send!

Jesus is our example!

Consider this: Jesus’ ministry is full of people with disabilities. They are drawn to Jesus, not just because of his ability to heal bodies and minds, but because in a culture and time where they were considered subhuman, Jesus treated them with love and respect, and called out their full humanity. People with disabilities were truly “the least of these” in Jesus’ time, and yet he called them friends. It’s a powerful and unambiguous example of how God wants all people to treat his beloved children with disabilities.

So let’s build a few tools for how we can support children as they show love to all of God’s people. And let’s increase our own comfort and confidence in the process. These five tips for talking with children about disabilities offer support and guidance. Share them with your children’s ministry volunteers or with parents and caregivers in your church.

5 Helpful Tips for Talking With Children About Disabilities

1). Help kids empathize with those who have disabilities.

Infuse questions into conversations that encourage kids to think about others’ experiences—not just people with disabilities, but anyone!

• When playing together you might ask, “How do you think this doll would feel if the other dolls played without her?
• When watching or talking about a movie kids have seen, you might ask, “What do you think that movie character is feeling right now?
• When recapping a day a school, you might ask, “How do you think your friend felt when they fell at recess?”

These types of questions exercise your kids’ empathy muscles so that they can more easily put themselves in others’ shoes and care about what others might be feeling.

(These five family experiences to build better understanding of disabilities help to cultivate empathy, too!)

2). Notice and respond to kids’ curiosity.  

Kids are naturally curious—it’s one of the best things about them! We don’t want to discourage their curiosity, but we may need to shepherd them in how to appropriately express it, especially when they’re encountering people with noticeable disabilities.

If you observe a child pointing or staring at someone, calmly encourage them not to do those things. You can do so by asking an empathetic question like: “How do you think that person feels if people point at her? If you were in that situation, what would you rather have people do?”

3). Offer grace and guidance for how to respond to disabilities.

Be careful not to get upset with the inquisitive child. Remember, curiosity isn’t bad. We don’t want to communicate that any engaging with or interacting with a person with disabilities is inappropriate. If the child has questions, do your best to answer them directly. Avoid adding your own interpretation or information they’re not asking for. For example, if the child asks why someone is using a cane, you can say, “They must need some extra help with walking right now.”

You can also offer some alternatives for kids’ curiosity. Instead of pointing or staring, they could smile and wave! They could introduce themselves and ask the person’s name. If it’s another kid, they could invite him to join an activity.

(When teaching kids in Sunday school, consider some five ways to adapt Bible lessons to accommodate and celebrate everyone in the room!)

4). Help kids notice commonalities, too! 

You can also encourage kids’ healthy curiosity by asking them to look for things they have in common with the person. This helps them see that their difference is just one part of who they are.

Remember that kids are watching and learning from you, so modeling friendly and respectful interaction is one of the most powerful ways to help kids build these tools.

 5). Normalize and celebrate differences.

Encourage kids to look for examples of people with all kinds of differences and similarities as you go through your day. You might look in the Bible, in family or church family, or in shows, books, and movies. Remind kids that God makes people in all kinds of different ways. God gave people all kinds of gifts and challenges, and each person reflects the image of God.

Children really can use their curiosity to discover ways God’s image manifests in each person they meet, including our friends with disabilities. 4

Additional Resources:

• What federal education data shows about students with disabilities in the U.S.
• Respecting Differences: How to Talk With Your Child About Disabilities
• Talking About Disability

Looking more ways to support kids and their grown-ups? Check out Team Family PowerPaks. These engaging activity packs make a great gift for families in your church. Team Family PowerPaks are designed to help kids and their grown-ups spend quality time together, laugh together, and enjoy the gift of family all season long. Through engaging activities, Jesus-centered devotions, and hands-on experiences, families naturally grow faith at home!

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Mandy Milner is a licensed professional counselor who lives and works in State College, Pennsylvania. Mandy received her MA in community counseling from Slippery Rock University. She has worked at six different universities in counseling and other student-focused roles. Mandy is a contributor for Team Family, Group’s new family ministry resource. When Mandy is not at work, she enjoys reading a great book, sipping tea, knitting, visiting new places, and living ordinary moments alongside family and friends.