/ Oversight

The Secret Life of Parents

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

Many parents say they feel confused and at a loss when it comes to issues of character development in their children. They worry about the everyday things...and not-so-everyday things.

• How do I handle the sex talk? I need to get past his embarrassment so it has value.

• How do I teach my child to accept that sometimes things don't work out right--even when you do everything right and try really hard?

• What do I do to train my child's heart to have great character qualities like tenderheartedness, kindness, compassion, and truthfulness?

• What do I say to my son whose friend has two moms?

• We give our kids so much. How do I keep them focused on the true necessities in life like faith and health rather than material things?

Insight

Every parent wonders how his or her child will "turn out." Will she be kind and honest? Will he follow the morals and values I do? That's why parents work (often diligently) to instill specific character traits in their children.

"One of parents' biggest fears is that they're going to 'mess up' their child one way or another," says Shelley Noonan, author of the Beautiful Girlhood Mentoring Program (pumpkinseedpress.net). To allay this fear and to help parents who are struggling with these issues, Noonan says children's ministers "can best support parents by actively listening to their concerns and purposefully responding in a way that builds up the family unit as a whole." Provide plenty of resources--and reassurance--for parents. Focus on strengthening and affirming families. Provide positive, interactive experiences that help parents effectively convey their thoughts and beliefs to their children.

CHOICES AND CONSEQUENCES

Parents express a great deal of concern when it comes to the choices kids make--and their natural consequences. They also worry about knowing their boundaries. How far do they go to protect their children from poor choices or the grim realities of our world?

• What are viable consequences for my kids' poor choices, and how do I follow through consistently?

• How much freedom should I give my kids? How much should I shelter my kids?

• Should I stop "saving" my kids from the hard knocks in life?

• What will finally teach my kids to honor and respect me?

• I don't know how to teach my kids about money.

• When should I let my kids fight their own battles, and when should I step in?

• My kids have an "it's-all-about-me" mindset. What can I do to change that?

• I want my kids to learn personal responsibility and to know when they need to be willing to walk away from a friendship or situation that's not healthy.

• How can I help my kids see that sometimes the friends they choose prompt the poor decisions they make?

• I can't stand some of my child's friends. How do I handle this without alienating my child?

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