Confession time: Fantasy football is one of my guilty and more
nerdy pleasures. I’m a 37-year-old, mortgage-paying father of three
who loves nothing better at the end of a long day than to fire up
my laptop and check my fantasy roster.
I know — grown men pretending to be the general managers of
imaginary sports franchises is reason #53,024 that America is
losing its competitive edge in the global market. And I admit it;
it’s a nerdy pastime.
What attracts me to the game? It’s volunteer management with
instant gratification. It’s an escapist daydream that airbrushes
away the messiness that comes with leading people. There’s never a
volunteer shortage. If a player breaks an ankle, you bench him and
sign his replacement off waivers. Fantasy football league players
are rarely MIA on a Sunday morning. Players don’t squabble with
others on your imaginary roster. They can’t quit or decide on
Sunday at 8:30 a.m. that they’d rather have brunch at the beach
than teach children.
So if you catch me obsessively tweaking my fantasy roster,
you’ll forgive me.
Gratefully, though, life operates nothing like fantasy football.
Instead of calling us to steward columns of sanitary stats, God
offers us the privilege of dealing with the messiness of leading
people — wonderful people made in God’s likeness. People who
occasionally demonstrate levels of chaotic behavior only normally
found in a tied burlap sack of angry ferrets. Perhaps we’re
unprepared to deal with our volunteers’ quirks and shortcomings
because we buy into the illusion known as “Sunday best.” We see
shiny volunteers and assume their lives are as sharp as the pleats
on their pants.
But as the hymn states, each of your volunteers came to Jesus
“Just as I am.” Friend, if that’s how they come to Jesus, they
aren’t coming into your ministry any better. So let’s set aside our
fantasies and learn how to deal with it when our volunteers quit,
flake out, or just can’t get along.
When Volunteers Quit
Fewer words have the power to torpedo a children’s minister’s
mood faster than a phone call or email with the words “I quit.” A
volunteer’s abrupt departure forces you to reprioritize your week;
now you have to find a substitute for the weekend and a long-term
replacement. The briefest volunteer tenure I ever encountered was a
woman I recruited on a Tuesday who quit that Friday. Her criminal
background check hadn’t even cleared before she bailed on the
ministry, but I was sure she was guilty of having the attention
span of a fruit bat.
I’ll admit. I was too busy judging her lack of follow-through to
try to understand what was behind the sudden reversal. I later
learned the woman was in an abusive marriage. I suspect her husband
lost his cool when he learned his wife was about to build a
stronger connection to the church.
The truth is that volunteers quit for a number of reasons, and
irresponsibility is only one of several possibilities. Remember —
just like the children you serve, you only encounter your
volunteers for up to three of the 168 hours that make up the week.
Odds are you’re unaware of the marital struggles, emotional or
mental health issues, financial pressures, or parenting challenges
your volunteers face.
- False Marketing — Volunteers also quit because they
underestimate the commitment involved with their volunteer post.
Perhaps they believed the recruiting pitch: “It’s not hard” or
“It’ll only take a few minutes to prepare.” But when false pitches
give way to the actual demands of ministry, some volunteers feel
justified walking away.
- Disorganization — Volunteers quit for another surprising
reason. The children’s ministry is run with a level of chaos that
your volunteers imagined was only possible in a sack of angry
ferrets. Volunteers quit organizations that are poorly run,
uninspiring, and devoid of community.
And yes, volunteers quit because they’re irresponsible.
So when a volunteer fires off the words “I quit,” your first
duty is to discern why he or she is stepping down. Take a deep
breath and set aside your frustrations. Resist the urge to judge.
Instead, ask probing questions to understand why the volunteer is
unwilling or unable to go on. Remind your volunteer of the
commitment he or she made. Help your volunteer articulate the exact
source of frustration, and both of you brainstorm a solution.
If the volunteer insists on stepping down, ask the person to
continue for two weeks so you can find a replacement. If you
discover that the person needs personal support, help provide the
appropriate pastoral or professional care.
When Volunteers Flake Out
We’ve all been at this meeting; your team reconvenes for
progress reports for a major ministry event. When it’s Sally’s turn
to report (every church has a Sally or Sal), she offers a lengthy
monologue filled with excuses as to why she failed to reserve the
inflatable games. Or she might even say that she wasn’t aware the
team expected her to do so. Worse yet, she might’ve “just noticed”
that her family vacation is scheduled the same week as the ministry
event. If disorganization were an Olympic event, Sally would be a
gold medal decathlete.
As she rambles on, you mentally block out evenings you’ll need
to work on the project to make up for her inactivity.
How do you deal with a Sally?
Just as with the quitting volunteer, find out whether she’s
unwilling or unable to fulfill her commitment. If you discover
she’s hopelessly unfit to complete the task or overwhelmed by
personal issues, offer her the opportunity to graciously step down.
Or find a partner to help guide her.
Chances are, though, you can prevent project management
disasters by using the following preventative steps.
- Only choose volunteers with a proven track record of excellence
and faithfulness to join a planning team. Have a volunteer who you
think has potential? Sign that person on as an apprentice.
- Test for fit. Does your Sally excel at starting new ministries
but is awful at staying with one task for extended periods of time?
Your Sally isn’t flakey; she’s got entrepreneurial leadership
gifts. Use her when you need someone to be a visionary catalyst for
fledgling ministries. Have your team take a class such as
S.H.A.P.E. or Network to help them discover their spiritual gifts.
Flakiness is often a symptom of volunteers being shoehorned into
the wrong positions.
- Delegate, don’t dump. Check in with your volunteers to see how
they’re progressing with assignments. Ask what challenges they’re
facing and if they need any extra support.
- Use action plans. Don’t hope your team members know what you
expect of them. List every task to be accomplished, who’s
responsible for the task, and when the task is due. Send every team
member home with a copy of the action plan. Clear expectations
reduce the likelihood of nasty surprises down the road.
When Volunteers Just Can’t Get Along
My greatest leadership flaw during my first four years as a
children’s pastor was not dealing with volunteer conflict. During
my freshman year of ministry, I allowed a tyrant — we’ll call him
Bob — to rule. Bob didn’t like the changes I made. Bob dealt with
his displeasure by bullying volunteers and me in an attempt to
return the ministry to the prehistoric days when flannelgraph
freely roamed the earth. My response? I countered with
nonresponsiveness and just hoped he’d go away. No such luck.
On another occasion, I allowed my first leadership team to be
torn apart by two volunteers who were engulfed in a sharp, bitter
conflict. One team member eventually retreated to another church
and the other retreated to her individual ministry. And I stood by
silently and watched it happen.
I’ve since learned that one of my primary roles as children’s
minister is to vigilantly shepherd the emotional health of the
relationships within the ministry. The greatest part of building a
healthy culture is promoting healthy relationships within my
ministry. A primary metaphor used to describe the church is
“family”; and if we aren’t diligent, we’ll be stuck with “family”
— the murderous, jealous, usurping families that populated the
book of Genesis. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Here are
lessons I’ve learned on the way that’ll serve you well.
- Address relational problems when they’re small. If you sense
that volunteers aren’t getting along, pull them aside and address
it. When conflict ferments, it turns to vinegar, never wine. If you
even suspect discord between volunteers, address it.
- Promote the Matthew 18 principle. Jesus instructed us to
go directly to the person with whom we’re in conflict. Bring third
parties into the disagreement sparingly and to help restore unity.
Encourage your volunteers to go directly to the person with whom
they’re angry. If a volunteer comes to you with a grievance against
another team member, politely interrupt and ask that person if he
or she has ever talked directly to the person. If not, steer the
person in that direction.
- Accommodate personal brokenness. Paul told Timothy to “correct,
rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching” (2 Timothy 4:2). Remember how unaware you are
of all the personal dynamics going on in your volunteer’s life. Is
a volunteer sullen? Perhaps he’s going through a dark season in his
marriage. A volunteer’s brusque communication style may’ve been
developed growing up in an abusive home. Commit to showing grace
and mercy. Kindness erodes many poor communication styles in
- Remove the morale destroyers from your teams. There comes a
time when patience isn’t enough. Occasionally you’ll encounter a
volunteer who’s built his or her communication style around verbal
bullying and intimidation. These people have their poor behavior
reinforced by peers cowering to their wishes. The most loving thing
you can do for a volunteer at times is to fire him or her and
clearly say why.
When you have a morale destroyer on your team, and you aren’t
sure whether to act, remember this: Someone is going to leave your
team. Do you want it to be your best volunteers who’ll eventually
want to escape the bully? Or do you want to remove the bully? It’s
Back to my fantasy football hobby. In every league there’s one
player who obsesses over the columns of stats sheets in search of a
winning formula for managing his roster. When Paul closed 1
Thessalonians, he offered no such formula to solve all our
volunteer frustrations. Instead Paul advocated situational
“Brothers and sisters, we urge you to warn those who are lazy.
Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are
weak. Be patient with everyone” (1 Thessalonians 5:14).
It’s no fantasy. You can address any volunteer situation through
God’s power. Assess what type of intervention is needed and speak
truth into the situation with patience.
How Not to Hear “I Quit.”
Larry Shallenberger writes on volunteer management. Please keep
in mind that phone numbers, addresses, and prices are subject to