Expert insight on how family,
society, and crisis stresses kids -- and their
faith.
When we consider kid culture today, we typically tick off evidence
of their 21st-century lives -- techie gadgets, media saturation,
over-scheduled calendars, and unique family structures. Less often
do we think of the internal pressures that are part of kids' daily
lives -- what we adults simply call stress-and how that pressure
impacts kids' faith formation.
We asked three experts to weigh in on three different types of
pressure inherent in kids' lives. Here's what they had to say about
family pressure, social pressure, and crisis pressure.
Family Pressure
What Kids Wish Their Parents Knew
by Pat Verbal
Ask today's kids what stresses them, and you may expect answers
such as taking tests, being picked last for a team, or making new
friends. But when I posed the question to 3rd- and 4th-graders,
here's what they said:
"My parents are always on me about making good grades."
"I don't really want to play baseball, but it's so important to my
dad."
"My stepbrother criticizes everything I do, and I can't be myself
at home."
"My parents think they're the Internet cops. They lecture me too
much."
Tension at home is high on these kids' list. "Every generation has
a generation gap," says Mary Manz Simon, author of Trend-Savvy
Parenting. "However, because of the accelerating pace of
change, it's possible that more than a mere gap will emerge between
parents and children. We're poised on the edge of a societal
rift."
This growing chasm may shadow the joys of parenthood with a sense
of dread. Parents, sensing the disconnect, constantly ask, "Am I a
good parent?" And the answer depends on who they ask-Madison
Avenue, school, or the church.
Shine, Baby, Shine!
Madison Avenue equates good parenting with good marketing. If a
girl's bedroom resembles a high-gloss page in a Pottery Barn
catalog and her clothes have designer labels, she'll be an A
student. If a boy played soccer at age 3 and has a wall of ribbons
and gold cups, he'll get a sports scholarship. If a preschooler's
birthday party is a hit at the country club, she'll make the right
friends. Unfortunately, these Madison-Avenue myths create
competitive parents, who put pressure-cooker expectations on their
kids.
"No matter how hard I try, my dad is never happy," says Ryan. "If
I get a B in math or miss a high fly ball, I hear about it all
week. Sometimes I think he'd like to trade me in for a different
kid." Ryan wishes his parents would accept him for himself. He may
even be questioning whether he's good enough for his heavenly
father.
Multitasking Woes
Parenting takes time and energy, especially in stepfamilies or in
homes where children have special needs.
"I know when my mom's had a bad day at the office," says
10-year-old Jacob. "She doesn't smile when she picks me up."
Adults spend 10 hours more per week at the office than they did 30
years ago, according to the Families and Work Institute in New
York.
"Jobs have become much more hectic and demanding," says president
Ellen Galinsky. "People feel like they don't have enough time to
get everything done." Schools respond to this problem by linking
parents to classroom Web sites, but this has had an unexpected
result-now many parents opt for email instead of attending parent
conferences, further deepening the divide between parents and their
children's educational development.
When Jacob feels like one more thing on his mom's to-do list, he
retreats into video games or cyberspace. He may also reason that
since God has a whole universe to run, he probably doesn't have
much time for Jacob either.
10 Is the New 16
We're not imagining it -- childhood is getting shorter. Experts
say typical teen behaviors are becoming common among kids ages 8 to
12. Girls wear makeup, listen to hip-pop, and chat on Facebook.
Boys drop toys for iPods, get highlights in their hair, and think
parents are annoying. While parents want their children to be
popular with their peers, many are fuzzy about where to draw the
line.
"I believe there's power in numbers," says Cindy, a MOPS leader
and single mom. "When my daughter says all her friends do 'it,' I
call other parents at church, and together we set boundaries that
protect our children."
Parents are wise to worry about the dangers that come with age
compression -- which is society's tendency to inundate kids with
more grown-up products, expectations, and roles -- due to the
availability of alcohol and drugs. And deep down, children don't
want their grown-up attitudes to fool their parents. They
instinctively know they need safety nets, standards, and a warm lap
to curl up in now and then. Children wish their parents knew that
the best place for them to experience faith is in the arms of a
loving family. Absent that, churches must exemplify the true
attributes of God to today's children and offer asylum to their
parents as well.
Pat Verbal is the founder of Ministry to Today's Child (www.ministrytotodayschild.com)
in Frisco, Texas.
