The Old Rabbits’ Home

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The easy-to-read dialogue has delivery cues built right in; just
read the capitalized words with emphasis to avoid “monotone
syndrome,” and to make sure everyone catches the important points.
Follow up the production with the discussion questions provided at
the end of the script.

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The Scene: The porch of a retirement home

The Simple Setup: Do what you can to make the
actors look like rabbits; at the least, give them cardboard rabbit
ears taped to paper headbands. N.R. Jizer wears sunglasses, and
Stranger has a cane. Place five chairs in a row across the stage,
facing the audience. Make sure your actors understand that they
should use elderly voices, that “N.R. Jizer” sounds like
“Energizer,” and that Plugs Bunny talks as much like an elderly
Bugs Bunny as possible. (Note: Before the performance, you may want
to review the special pronunciation of some of Plugs Bunny’s
words.)

The Characters

  • N.R. Jizer, a nonstop talker
  • Trixie Rabbit, who’s obsessed with fruit flavors
  • Plugs Bunny, a hard-of-hearing wise guy
  • Codger Rabbit, who’s cranky and feeble
  • Stranger, who’s friendly but quiet

The characters in this skit are all rabbits; four of them parody
“famous” rabbits (the Energizer batteries bunny, the Trix cereal
rabbit, Bugs Bunny, and Roger Rabbit from the movie Who Framed
Roger Rabbit
.) Actors of either gender could play most roles,
with minor word changes.

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Puppet Options: This skit lends itself
perfectly to puppets — if you can find five rabbit puppets. Make
paper sunglasses for N.R. Jizer and, perhaps, paper eyeglass frames
for the other rabbits. If you want to mix puppets and live actors,
cast a leader as Stranger.

Extra Touches: If you have time, add costume
and makeup details — pink noses with whiskers, buck teeth, and
clothing such as suspenders and bow ties.

(As the skit begins, all characters except Stranger are
onstage, sitting in a row of chairs and looking into the
distance.)

N.R.: Well, just LOOK at that SUNSET. Too bad
my EYES aren’t what they USED to be. Which REMINDS me of the time I
was MARCHING DOWN THE HIGHWAY in the DARK, BEATING my DRUM, and a
LOGGING TRUCK HIT ME. I just kept GOING and GOING and GOING.

Trixie: (Interrupting.) Oh, don’t get
started on THAT again! It IS a nice sunset, though. Reminds me of a
BOWL of CEREAL: RASPBERRY RED, LEMON YELLOW, ORANGE ORANGE. Ah, but
THAT cereal is for KIDS! RIGHT, Plugs?

Plugs: Ehh, what’s THAT doc?

Trixie: (Speaking louder.) I said, “ISN’T THAT
RIGHT?”

Plugs: BRIGHT? YEAH, it’s BRIGHT! BRIGHTEST
SUNSET I’ve seen TODAY!

Codger: It’s the ONLY sunset you’ve seen today!
I don’t know why I hang around with you GRAY HARES. I’m a MOVIE
STAR! At least I was until I was FRAMED! I was FRAMED, I tell you,
or my name isn’t CODGER RABBIT! (Starts coughing.)

(Stranger enters the stage, walking with a cane.)

Stranger: HELLO! Mind if I JOIN you?

N.R.: NOPE. Are you NEW here?

Stranger: (Sitting.) YEP, I’ve just
RETIRED.

N.R.: Then welcome to the OLD RABBITS’ HOME!
I’m N.R. JIZER. (Points at others, introducing them.) This
is TRIXIE RABBIT; that’s PLUGS BUNNY; and down there is CODGER
RABBIT. He used to be a MOVIE STAR, you know.

Codger: Until I was FRAMED! (Starts
coughing again.)
FRAMED, I tell you!

N.R.: And what’s YOUR name, stranger?

Stranger: Oh, just call me BUNNY.

Plugs: FUNNY? What kind of name is THAT?

Stranger: BUNNY! Just call me BUNNY!

Plugs: Ehh, what’s THAT, doc?

N.R.: Never MIND. Look at that SUNSET. Reminds
me of the time I MARCHED around the WORLD in EIGHTEEN DAYS. Just
kept BEATING that DRUM — BOOM, BOOM, BOOM! Through HURRICANES and
MUDSLIDES, UNDER WATER and over MOUNT EVEREST! Right into the
SUNSET! Nothing could STOP me! I just kept GOING and GOING and
GOING.

Trixie: (Interrupting.) And you’re
STILL going and going ON and ON about all the UNBELIEVABLE THINGS
you’ve done! Well, I can top THAT! I remember the time those little
KIDS wouldn’t let me have any of their CEREAL. Ah, that CEREAL!
BLUEBERRY BLUE, GRAPE PURPLE, WATERMELON PINK.

N.R.: (Interrupting.) Get to the
POINT, WILL YOU?

Trixie: They wouldn’t even let me have a TASTE!
So I STUFFED THEM INTO A VAN and DROVE TO THE CEREAL FACTORY and
DUMPED THEM IN THE GIANT VATS OF FOOD COLORING! THAT taught them a
lesson, I’ll tell YOU! They came out LIME GREEN, APRICOT GOLD,
MUSHROOM GRAY.

N.R.: (Interrupting.) ENOUGH with the
COLORS! That’s quite a STORY, but I’ll bet PLUGS BUNNY can beat it!
RIGHT, Plugs?

Plugs: Ehh, what’s THAT, doc?

N.R.: (Speaking louder.) I say, “YOU
can beat THAT!”

Plugs: Eat WHAT? Not that CEREAL, I hope! It’s
for KIDS!

N.R.: FORGET the cereal! We want to hear a
story about the MOST UNBELIEVABLE THING you’ve ever DONE.

Plugs: Oh! That would be the time I BOINED
ELMER FLUB to a CRISP. It was the OPENING DAY of WABBIT…I mean
RABBIT HUNTING SEASON. I was MUNCHING CARROTS, MINDING my own
BUSINESS, when suddenly my whole WOILD exploded! Old ELMER was
SHOOTING at me! So I TOINED, and with all my STRENGTH, I reached up
and TIED HIS SHOTGUN IN A KNOT. Next time he FIRED, he was
TOAST.

Codger: (Speaking loudly.) What’s so
unbelievable about THAT? MY story is the UNBELIEVABLE one.

Plugs: Oh, YEAH? What’s YOUR story, doc?

Codger: (Pauses.) I was FRAMED!

N.R., Trixie, and Plugs: (Speaking together.)
We KNOW!

N.R.: (Speaking to Stranger.) How about YOU,
newcomer? What’s the most unbelievable thing YOU’VE ever done?

Stranger: (Pauses.) HMM, I guess that would
BE…EASTER.

Trixie: EASTER? What ABOUT it?

Stranger: Well, I managed to CONVINCE everybody
that it was REALLY about COLORED EGGS.

N.R.: WHAT?

Trixie: COLORED EGGS?

Codger: You’re KIDDING!

Plugs: That’s the most RIDICULOUS thing I ever
HOID!

N.R.: Now LISTEN, Stranger. We like to tell
some TALL TALES around here. But that whopper YOU just told is a
little TOO unbelievable!

Codger: YEAH! Who would fall for a story that
said EASTER was about COLORED EGGS?

Stranger: Oh, you’d be SURPRISED.

Plugs: And I suppose you got everybody to
FORGET about the REAL meaning of Easter?

N.R.: About that MAN who DIED, then came BACK
and just kept GOING and GOING and GOING?

Stranger: That’s RIGHT.

Codger: (Getting up.) Well, you can’t
expect us to believe THAT, pal. We weren’t born YESTERDAY, you
know!

N.R.: (Getting up.) Not by a LONG
shot!

Plugs: (Getting up.) Colored EGGS, my
FOOT! What’s up with THAT, doc?

N.R.: Well, it’s time to get inside for DINNER.
Probably MASHED CARROTS again.

(All groan and exit the stage except for Trixie and
Stranger, who talk on their way out.)

Trixie: SAY, bunny, these COLORED EGGS — were
they RASPBERRY RED?

Stranger: YUP.

Trixie: LEMON YELLOW?

Stranger: YEP.

Trixie: ORANGE ORANGE?

Stranger: You GOT it.

Trixie: OOH. (Exits the stage.)

Stranger: Gets ‘em every TIME! (Exits the
stage.)

For Discussion

Scriptures to Read: Matthew 28:5-7 and 1
Corinthians 15:17-22.

To Talk About: About how old were you when you
first heard of the Easter bunny? What did you think when you heard
about him? Which do you suppose more people think of when they hear
the word “Easter”: colored eggs or Jesus? Why? What do you think is
the best way to celebrate Easter? Why? In no more than 10 words,
how would you explain to someone who’d never heard of Easter why
it’s important?

Excerpted from Instant Skits for Children’s Ministry by
John Duckworth (Group Publishing, Inc.).

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