Dear Children's Minister,
I love my church, but sometimes I feel like my church doesn't
love me.
God has used my church to give my three kids the security and
continuity they needed when our world seemed to be falling apart. I
don't know what I would've done without this haven for my
children.
But time after time, I've wanted to leave my church. It's like
the minute I got a divorce, I became invisible. Only a handful of
people would even greet me. I don't know if people were just
uncomfortable around me because of the divorce, but their silence
hurt deeply. The great programs for my children kept me from
leaving.
It wasn't that I didn't want to get involved. You see, I was
always willing to help out with kids' programs, but even then I
felt like an outsider. Once, I volunteered to help sponsor my kids'
trip to Worlds of Fun. I sat at a ride for two hours so all the
kids could check in with me. Afterward, I tried to find someone to
ride with. But I couldn't. It was one of the loneliest times I've
ever experienced. Other people just take it for granted that
there's always someone to talk to and have fun with. But for a
single parent, there isn't.
I feel I can speak for single parents (I've been single now for
four years). Single parents have a unique set of needs and burdens.
We're so alone, and when we're first divorced or widowed, we lack
direction. We get weary and exhausted. Anybody who's conscientious
about daily responsibilities-meals, housework, laundry, car upkeep,
finances, correspondence, reading time-just gets worn down.
The church is unaware, and many people don't have a clue what
it's like for single parents. Everyone's busy and caught up in
their own lives. Yet most people have someone else to help shoulder
their burden. The Bible promises that God will be a husband and
father for us, but I wish the church would help fulfill the role of
helpmate.
We need God's unconditional love and acceptance through the
church. Divorce is so traumatic; please reach out to us.
The most important thing you can do is pray for us -- whether
you know us or not. Second, offer single parents a "listening ear"
because we don't have anyone else to share our concerns or feelings
with.
I won't leave my church because I need the church and I believe
the church needs me. God can use my singleness to help both of us
grow. Through awareness and sensitivity, the church can minister to
single parents and keep us from walking away. Please reach out.
Sincerely, Vickie Taylor
Vickie Taylor lives with her three children in
Kansas.
