"Oh, what a wonderful picture, Alyssa!" the teacher exclaims as
he holds the scribbled drawing aloft. Alyssa beams. But he doesn't
even notice her next drawing. And Alyssa feels like a failure.
Alyssa, like almost every child, has given others the power to
shape her self-perception. Her need for praise is training Alyssa
to see herself through others' eyes. The problem with this is that
others' images of her won't always be consistent. And as a result,
Alyssa won't develop a Christ-centered self-esteem. What can we do
to develop a faith-based self-esteem in our children?
Self-esteem Defined
Simply put, self-esteem is the way children feel about
themselves.
A child with high self-esteem will...
- Work happily alone;
- Be responsible;
- Tolerate frustration;
- Accept new challenges; and
- Display a broad range of emotions.
A child with low self-esteem will:
- Make self-demeaning comments;
- Feel insecure about others' opinions of him or her;
- Blame others for personal weaknesses;
- Be easily influenced by others; and
- Avoid situations that produce anxiety.
Self-esteem And Faith
Self-esteem is directly related to children's beliefs about
themselves. Beliefs based on others' praise may vary from day to
day, but God's views remain constant. Therefore, for a child to
have a Christian self-concept, that child must see him- or herself
from God's viewpoint. What does the Bible say about how God views
children? Children need a savior. Romans 3:23 says that "all have
sinned and fall short of the glory of God." This includes children,
who are born into original sin and then commit personal sins as
they age. All children come to an age when they realize the
difference between right and wrong. They then can understand that
they commit sins.
We don't need to pound children with this fact. But the Bible
encourages us to "speak the truth in love." Yes, children are
sinners, but there's hope. Jesus died for sinners. And that's what
children need to hear. Children need to be in a relationship with
Jesus Christ through faith -- and that, more than anything, will
define who they are.
Children are valued. In Mark 10:13-16, the disciples rebuke the
people who bring children to Jesus. Jesus' response is classic and
the basis of all children's ministry. He says, "Permit the children
to come to me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs
to such as these."
Jesus values children, but children don't always feel valuable.
Many experts believe that children's low self-esteem is generally
based on poor skills and incompetence in many areas of their
performance. But the truth is that no child is going to perform
well in every area. He may be a great speller, but he can't throw a
baseball. She may be a great tap dancer, but she thinks her hair is
frizzy. Children each have certain inadequacies they must deal with
in an imperfect world.
Developing Self-esteem
We can give children the gift of a Christ-centered self-esteem.
Here's how:
Let them know how God views them-loved, valued, and esteemed.
Say things such as, "You are special to God" or "The Bible says God
loves you so much that he has counted every hair on your head!" We
can remind children that God loved them enough to pay the highest
price for them -- his Son's life.
Celebrate each child's God-given strengths. When a child
displays his or her gifts, point the child to the giver. Say
something like, "I thank God for giving you your beautiful
voice."
Teach children to persevere. If a child has difficulty with a
problem, don't jump in and save the day. Pray with the child for
guidance. Then ask questions to help the child think of solutions.
Otherwise, your save-the-day help could send the message that the
child isn't capable.
As children grasp that their worth is not rooted in how they
perform but in their relationship with God and what God says about
them, they'll truly develop positive self-esteem. And their
feelings about themselves won't be subject to whether the teacher
praises their drawing each time or not.
From Christine Yount Jones, Executive Editor for Children's
Ministry Magazine and Children's Ministry Professional
Edition.
