Understand how kids of all ages make friends and how you
can nurture friendships
Ages 2 to 4
Sharing
Young children depend on others to help them develop positive
social skills. With their limited verbal skills and their concrete
thinking, 2-year-olds sometimes have trouble negotiating
disagreements over sharing. Even when they seem engaged in
unrelated activities, toddlers notice a forgotten toy when someone
else plays with it. So provide enough toys so sharing isn't a big
problem for younger children. Use praise to reinforce good
behavior, such as "It was nice of you to share your toy." Older
preschoolers are learning to play in groups. Provide a play area
with games, dress-up clothes, and puppets where children can play
with each other, learn how to share, and take turns. Help children
refine their negotiation skills to resolve conflicts. Give them
ideas of what to say. Use Scripture to emphasize giving and
receiving; for example, "Be generous and ready to share" (1 Timothy 6:18).
Ages 5 to 8
Bullies
Kids this age are learning to be independent and choose their
friends. Children are learning conformity by having to adjust to
new school rules. Kids' self-image is strongly related to others'
opinions of them. When kids don't feel good about themselves, they
feel rejected by others. They may act out their rejection through
hostile actions such as bullying. Bullies don't know how to handle
their insecure feelings. Because they so desperately crave peer
attention, they strive to be noticed-whether the influence is
positive or negative. Enhance kids' self-image with activities that
involve different skills they may excel in, such as crafts, games,
and reading. Give positive reinforcement for kids' unique gifts and
talents.
To help a bully, stress respect. Be a positive role model.
Handle class conflict without anger. Talk about how God expects us
to treat others. Help children identify and own their feelings.
Talk about how Jesus handled disagreements. Let kids know God
understands our emotions, whether good or bad. Encourage them to
ask God for help in understanding and befriending other people.
If you are aware of a bullying incident, contact the child's
parent. Talk about how you can help and work with the parent to
eliminate the problem.
Ages 9 to 12
Cliques
Older kids are interdependent. Sometimes this stage is called
the "gang stage." Positive peer influence causes cliques; negative
peer influence may cause gangs. Parental authority diminishes, and
kids want to be with their friends. Kids can gain confidence in
their social groups; cliques help them create an identity apart
from their parents. Sometimes, though, cliques exclude other kids.
And some kids lack confidence to interact with cliques because they
fear rejection. Help kids develop healthy social relationships.
Plan learning activities where kids are required to work
together and depend on each other. Role play friendship situations.
Form randomly selected teams to play noncompetitive games that help
kids get to know each other. Build friendships; for example, have
kids give gifts and notes to secret pals, or assign prayer buddies.
Show kids by example how to greet new people in class. Talk about
the qualities of a good friend. Compare those qualities to God's
friendship with us.
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