We want kids to follow Jesus —
here’s how to show them the door to helping
“Daddy, what are you doing?”
“Oh, just trying to fix Mommy’s car.”
There’s silence for a while.
“Daddy, can I help you?”
“Well, there isn’t much you can do.”
Again there’s silence.
“I can get the tools for you,” my daughter says as she
reaches for the toolbox.
Suddenly, all my nuts and bolts scatter across the garage
“Please, Kimberly,” I say. “Just leave things
“Daddy, please can I help you?”
“Well, watching is helping,” I reply.
She stands in silence for a while, watching, but soon leaves. Like
all children, mine were inquisitive. No matter what I was doing,
they usually wanted to help. But I thought adult work was too
complicated and beyond their present capabilities, so I’d often
respond, “Well, watching is helping.” It all came back to
haunt me as they entered their adolescent years. Their
inquisitiveness and natural inclination for helping began to wane.
They grew more self-absorbed. I wondered, Had I set a precedent
that discouraged volunteering and wanting to help? Had I inhibited
or otherwise squashed a natural tendency to be generous in my own
Almost from infancy, children exhibit a strong sense of
generosity, of wanting to do something significant to help others.
Children, sometimes unconsciously, want to make a difference — but
because of years of adults inflicting on them the “watching is
helping” syndrome, they’re rendered immobilized and atrophied. Kids
encounter many obstacles and strong resistance to their slightest
efforts at being generous due to adults’ “protective” gene — when
really we ought to be exposing them to opportunities to express
their budding generosity.
Watching is not helping. We often discourage children’s
natural generosity by redirecting their offers to help with lame
excuses such as “you’re not mature enough” or “you’re too young.”
Perhaps we don’t realize that by restraining kids’ inclination to
help, we can arrest their growth of generosity. As a consequence,
far too many children-turned-adults remain on the sidelines while
offering little in the way of care and concern for others and for a
Looking for the Exit
Jesus was onto something when he spent so much of his time and
resources trying to convince us to care about what happens to other
people, especially people we don’t know or don’t like (the
Samaritan, lepers, the woman at the well, the possessed, the poor).
Jesus clearly believed that helping others isn’t just a
responsibility we have by virtue of our knowing a loving and caring
God. It’s more than that. Our humanity in Jesus, by its very
nature, harbors a spiritual need to feel benevolent. Generosity is
a spiritual intuition. It’s in our DNA as created by God. We
glorify God by how we show generosity to others (Matthew 25:31-46).
One Sunday while sharing the Kid’s Connection — our children’s
sermon time — I asked the group what they thought was the most
important door of the church. I hoped I was encouraging them to
think about coming to church more often. Without hesitation, one
young girl eagerly waved her hand.
“The exit,” she said. My suspicion was she was probably expressing
her annoyance at having to sit through one too many long
“Why,” I asked, “is the exit important?”
“Because,” she replied as if she’d been waiting for just this
question for a very long time, “only after we leave can we do what
Jesus asks us to do: help other people.”
We invite children, even entire families, into our ministries and
churches promising a prescription for purpose in life, a focus for
the future, and a connection with God. We keep them in the church
with a preoccupation with the church’s agenda. To understand the
gospel mandate, however, is to have an “exit minded” philosophy; to
see the exit as the threshold to the world, outside where
Christians are meant to serve. Expressing generosity toward others
is at the foundation of the Christian community’s life and faith
(Matthew 25); it needs to also be at the center of our mission to