From no family ministry to pro family ministry
The primary responsibility for Christian growth and
formation lies with the parents. This realization is the first step
in developing your family ministry.
"These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your
hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit
at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and
when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on
your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on
your gates"-Deuteronomy 6:6-9.
Notice the absence of Sunday school teachers in this passage.
I'm not saying Sunday school is unbiblical; I'm saying it's
supplemental to what happens in the Christian home. Too often,
Christian parents defer their responsibility to the volunteers at
church to "bring them up in the training and the instruction of the
Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).
God, however, is calling the church to give that responsibility
back to parents-where it belongs. Scripture is full of examples of
family ministry. Before you begin your family ministry, study the
biblical model. You'll discover that the primary responsibility for
Christian growth and formation lies with the parents. This
realization is the first step in developing your family
ministry.
The second step is developing ways to help parents. What do
parents need? They need the four I's.
1. Information
Parents want useful and current information about parenting.
Invite a group of parents for dessert and ask them, "What would be
the best forum for providing you with information?" and "What are
some issues you'd like to know more about?"
In an informal survey, Tim Kurth, a Christian education director
in Illinois, discovered that parents in his church needed help
balancing family, work, and church; healing for troubled marriages;
and resources to study God's Word outside of church services.
After you've collected parents' feedback, design your parent
education vehicle. Through teaching, training, retreats,
newsletters, audio tapes, videotapes, small groups, events, and
personal interaction, you can help parents. Don't try to do all
these. Just choose one format to inform and inspire parents.
Many churches have introduced their family ministry emphasis
with a parenting seminar. If you do the same, make it
visitor-friendly and invite parents from the community. Receiving
support and information is a felt-need for all parents.
Network with other children's ministers to find great resources
for parent-training. Or, if you really like a parenting book, call
the book's publisher. The company's publicist can connect you with
the author. Authors are often willing to lead a parenting
seminar.
2. Introduction
Information alone won't meet parents' needs. Most parents want
to develop relationships with other parents. We offer a dinner for
parents prior to our parenting seminars. This allows people to
relax and get to know other parents. It also provides built-in
discussion groups for the seminar. Several parents have started
small groups with the people they've gotten to know at their
tables.
At Hope Wirta's church in Milwaukee, small groups of families,
such as "The Young and Restless" group, meet regularly. Some weeks,
parents may meet with their children and play games, or other
weeks, they may get a baby sitter and go to a play. Lifelong
relationships are formed in accountability support groups such as
these.
3. Integration
There are three great ways to integrate your family
ministry.
*Fit it in. Design your family ministry to fit into what you're
already doing in children's ministry. Children's minister Sharyn
Spradlin in Washington state brings parents and kids together for
teaching, worship, and communion on Sundays. Then parents and
children go to classrooms together for Bible lessons.
If you're restricted by space, time, or finances, be courageous
enough to ask, "Is there an ineffective program that we can cut?"
Pruning promotes new growth. When it comes to planning children's
ministry, sometimes your best tool may be your eraser.
*Pass it on. Encourage parents to integrate their spiritual
training and instruction into their normal activities. Notice in
the passage from Deuteronomy that the parents are using natural
teachable moments to pass on spiritual truths. Give parents
resources to help them talk about God's truths at home. They could
take a walk and relate God's Word to what they see. Encourage
parents to read the Bible or pray with their children every day.
Have them place reminders around their homes so they can remember
God and his promises. This is family ministry at its most effective
and basic level.
*Add it on. Design events that involve children with their
parents. Invite parents to participate in a parent-child game night
after your weekly club meeting. If space is limited, divide the
group by grade levels and offer it on two different nights.
Have an overnight retreat that focuses on the parent-child
relationship. Design age-appropriate activities that children and
parents will enjoy. Emphasize cooperation more than competition.
Include a craft that parents and children can work on together to
keep as treasured mementos.
We have a parents orientation meeting to help parents understand
our children's dedication celebration. This might be the first
intergenerational event for parents and infants. We offer it during
our worship service so child care isn't a problem. Many parents
bring their babies to the orientation. We serve refreshments and
encourage parents to develop relationships with each other.
At another spiritual milestone in our church, we have a Baptism
Pizza Party for families. Parents, siblings, and baptized children
meet for a quick party after church. After dinner, each child is
called to the stage and affirmed for his or her spiritual growth.
Children receive public recognition, a baptism certificate, and a
Bible signed by their teacher and the children's pastor.
Whatever you do to integrate parents with children, keep it
simple and fun.
4. Inclusion
As you strategize and develop your family ministry, don't do it
alone. Some children's ministers fail at establishing family
ministry because they try it by themselves.
Genuine Christian community is intergenerational so include all
ages. Older children's input could increase your impact. For
example, you could ask fourth- and fifth-graders for fun game ideas
or suggestions for a parent-child campout. Some children's workers
and teachers may not have the time, but others will see how they
can maximize their ministries by establishing a partnership with
parents and children. Invite parents to give their input, but
assure them that they won't be manipulated into working.
Design a Partnership Meeting that includes all of these people.
Serve refreshments, explain your vision, and brainstorm ideas. Some
people may be so excited about the ideas that they may offer to
work on them some more. Your goal is to explain the vision and
generate enthusiasm for it. Be willing to give it time to develop.
Have three or four Partnership Meetings before you commit to an
event or program.
Family ministry is more than a trendy buzz word. It's meeting
real needs of real people to demonstrate Christ's love. It's
gratifying and effective to impact two generations for Christ at
the same time. If you pioneer a family ministry in your church,
you're setting out on a great adventure. There will be plenty of
risk, but it'll never be boring.
Tim Smith is a pastor to family life and the author of The
Relaxed Parent: Helping Your Child Do More as You Do Less.
FAMILY MINISTRY STYLES
The church's approach to family ministry fits three basic styles.
Take a look at these styles to determine which fits your
church.
Delegation Model
Parents delegate responsibility to the church for discipling their
children and hold the church accountable for the results. Church
leaders are the experts.
Primary family ministry vehicles:
*Church-based ministries to children, such as Sunday school,
midweek clubs, and vacation Bible school.
*Send-home parent newsletters.
*Families at church at the same time but in separate rooms (not
really intergenerational).
Partnership Model
Church leaders and parents work together to spiritually train
their children. Church leaders are co-laborers.
Primary family ministry vehicles:
*Parents recruited as teachers and chaperones.
*Vision-sharing meetings to bring parents on board
philosophically.
*Parent resource library.
*Father/son or mother/daughter events.
*Truly intergenerational events where people of all ages
interact.
*Family Fun Nights at the church.
*Divorce recovery groups for kids.
Apprentice Model
Parents are trained to have the primary responsibility of
discipling their children in the home. Church leaders are
resources.
Primary family ministry vehicles:
*Parent-training seminars.
*Family service projects.
*Family devotional resources provided for families to use at
home.
*Family retreats with a goal of teaching families how to grow
together at home.
*Family classes or family youth groups (see the "Family
Connection" sidebar).
*Mentoring programs.
*Senior adults adopt families to provide support and training for
parents.
FAMILY CONNECTION
Instead of sending family members to all corners of the church,
keep them together with a Family Youth Group. Identify three sets
of families-those with children in kindergarten and younger, those
with children in elementary school, and those with children in both
age groups.
Form groups of five or six families within each set. Then enlist a
facilitator for each group. Encourage groups to determine a time to
meet each month.
Group time can begin with recreation such as volleyball or
kickball. Choose activities that everyone will enjoy. Serve light
refreshments. Then have an active devotion.
Add things to reflect your church's style. You may want to have
worship, extended prayer, or more wild games. Let each group shape
its personality.
Encourage families to take turns hosting the group. The host
family can provide refreshments and choose the activity that
families will do, such as swimming, skating, going to a park,
having a scavenger hunt, or playing board games.
Debbie Gravell
Wallingford, Connecticut
Please keep in mind that phone numbers, addresses, and prices are
subject to change. Originally published in September-October, 1996
in Children's Ministry Magazine.
